Nowhere to Hide

There use to be something rather glamorous about ordering a new home phone line and marking on the application "ex-directory". It created an air of exclusivity, only the people that you wanted to speak to could contact you. Conversely if you wanted to disappear "off the radar" nobody could find you. Of course, you can still choose that option but what's the point?

Every application form for every service with every provider requires your home number, work number, mobile number, email address, post code, birth date and if they had a facility to add finger printing and DNA testing they would. The only way to avoid the damn radar is to transform into a Stealth Fighter.

It doesn't stop there either 'cos if you are an Internet "socialite" you can add instant messaging into the mix with MSN, Yahoo and Aim, those clever little viral marketeers can hack into them as well.

So, there I was quietly minding my own business at about 10.00pm last night. The TV was on, I was competing in an online poker tourney and all was good in the land of Mo. I remembered that I promised to call a new potential "friend" and duly did so. About five minutes into the charm onslaught "Ping" an instant message on Yahoo. I typed my excuses and went back to juggling poker and chat-up.

Just between a "bad beat" at the table and a very good deal in the seduction stakes "Ping" another instant message courtesy of MSN....."sorry can't chat now on phone, I'll message you later". In order to not lose my dough or my telephonic cred I signed myself out of all the message systems and went back to matters in hand safe in the knowledge I could devote my attentions just where I wanted them. No more than two minutes later my mobile phone rang," I was gonna IM you but you're offline" AAAAAARGH!

Suffice to say, I lost the tourney, binned the mobile call and tried my darnedest to rescue the remnants of what had started off as a promising precursor to future fun and games. I think I might just have succeeded but I have also learnt a couple of valuable lessons. When you are a lousy typist don't try typing and holding two phones and......men can't multitask!